Driving up to the adoption agency, everything hit me all at once. As my boyfriend and I pulled into the parking lot, I realized exactly what I was doing. The day I had been waiting for, for months was finally here, and I was scared to death. I thought about how hard this was going to be, and that’s when I lost it. I turned to Stephan (birthfather), and told him “I can’t do this.” He reassured me I would be fine, but I wasn’t convinced. I sat in the car crying until my caseworkers came and got me, and told me I needed to go into the house. As I got out of the car, and walked through the door, I saw the little boy who I had been missing so much, and at that moment I felt 100 times better.
After getting over my initial nerves, everything went smoothly, and better than I imagined. I had a great time with Jesse and Jenny, and Stephan and I got to hold and feed Elijah Quinn. We hung out at the agency, and went out for lunch. I felt like Elijah’s parents were part of my family. I got to see how much they loved him, and how awesome they were at being parents. I got to hear Elijah Quinn laugh, and see him smile. It was awesome. I couldn’t of asked for a better visit.
When it was time to leave, I was heart broken. I had already said goodbye to Elijah once, and I didn’t want to do it again. As they walked out the door, I felt like a wreck. I sat down on the couch, and cried as Stephan held me. I felt empty, it was so hard for me to let them leave. After a little while, I was able to think about how well the visit went, and how much I loved seeing Elijah Quinn, even if it was only for a little while. I am so glad I decided to see him. I love having new memories of him, and being able to picture exactly what he looks like in my head. I can’t wait for my next visit.
Jesse, Jenny, Jordan and Stephan with Baby Elijah