Thursday, March 18, 2010

Journey of a Birthmother: Chrizar's Story

warning: this testimony will make you cry, but it's tears of joy, you'll need a couple of tissues when you read this.

Journey of a Birthmother...
~Chrizar's story~
I have definitely struggled between parenting and placing, but I knew I couldn’t make this decision on my own, I had to rely on God for help. Deciding between what’s best for my baby and me whas really hard. It’s something I don’t want to go through again. I could provide for my baby and support him, but I wanted to go to school. I was basically being pulled at every direction. If you mapped out my whole entire decision making process through this, you would get lost. This was something that I needed to sit down, and pray about, it wasn’t a flip a coin decision, this was like a life or death thing.

My family is very old fashioned. Rules and traditions must be kept the same throughout generations, it’s just how everything is. I have at least heard all my aunts and uncles say “If she’s old enough to have sex, she’s old enough to keep a baby” or “I could keep the baby, and then she can see the baby anytime she wants and then get him back when she’s ready.” so in the back of my head I’m saying NO! ignore them, it’s going to make you cry and make things worst with your decision.

My adoption planning process started at about 5-6 months, just because I was due in February, and the holidays are going to get in the way. Going through the papers was pretty boring I must say, but my caseworker Erica made them funny sometimes. I remember going through the albums, I wanted a family that lived in Virginia, stay at home mom, at least one child, Christian, and close as as a family and with extended family. I didn’t just choose families according to what they look like, this and that. I waited for that click in my mind, and heart that I knew this was the family, and when my baby would kick me in the ribs, that was a sign I asked God to give me when this was the family. It took me a couple of days to find the perfect family for him. Then, BAM there it was, my baby kicked me, and there was the click. This is the family, there names we’re Craig and Marti. They adopted their first daughter through Family Life Services, and they just clicked. When I interviewed them, I was nervous but yet excited to meet them. We had lunch together with my caseworker, Cindy, adoption case worker, Erica, Deanne, Craig and Marti. Throughout lunch my baby just kept kicking me like NO TOMORROW, I couldn’t really concentrate on much, it just hurt. But I knew I felt comfortable with them having my child.

I was going to tell them that I choose them as a family through a cute picture and card, but 8 days after meeting them at lunch I went into labor, 2 weeks before my due date. I gave birth to the CUTEST baby boy in my world. When I got into the Mother Baby Unit at Virginia Baptist, and took myself a nap, Erica came in, and I told the family on the phone that I choose them as a family. Craig and Marti were so excited, and thankful their prayers were answered. The next day I receive flowers, a picture of them, and a card. We decided to name him Jesse Taylor

I did cry when I was discharged from the hospital, I wanted time to just freeze, I wanted to continue holding and hugging Jesse Taylor, I didn’t want to let go, but I knew time wouldn’t freeze. It was time to go home, I cried in the car, and I held back tears during lunch with my mom. It was hard, besides the fact I had the baby blues, but man I didn’t want to cry, but I remember Cindy and Erica saying it’s good to cry, it means that you love him. All I could do was cry. I cried for two nights when I got home. All I could do was go back to what happened at the hospital, the smell of him, the sweet and peaceful look he has when he sleeps, the smile he gave me when I first said I love you to him. It broke me down.

Enough crying, it was time to find the birthfather and get him to sign papers. I knew my baby was going to be put in safe care with the foster mom. I just wanted to get the papers signed so he could be with his new family ASAP. The papers were signed 2 weeks later and then the following week I would get to see Jesse Taylor on Placement day.

March 5th was one of the happiest days I’ll always remember, it was finally placement day! In the car I would count down the miles from the GPS until we get to Lynchburg. I was just SO excited to see my baby and to see how happy Craig and Marti and their family will be. Holding him again just felt amazing, I wanted time to stop again, just so I could hold him and talk to him, and give him kisses. But then the time came, when I would come out with the baby, present him to everyone, and place him in the mom’s arms. The smile on their faces when I saw the family, that moment when I was presenting the baby, seeing the smiles on everyone’s face, seeing the smiles on the family and looking down at my baby, everything was becoming a reality. It was a happy day, the day Jesse Taylor finally united with his new family.

From placement day to now, I still have tears of joy. I thank God for everything he has given to me especially my first child, Craig and Marti, my family, Family Life Services, and The Liberty Godparent home. Without these I wouldn’t be the person I would be right now. He isn’t placed with a family but he’s placed in God’s hands, I gave him to God and this puts my mind at peace.

Adoption is such a beautiful thing, You see the miracle of life and watch that little bundle of life be with a loving and solid family. I can’t wait to see him again, every moment is a precious memory locked in my heart forever.

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