I know this is a bitter-sweet day and I want to honor each of you for the amazing & unique women you are! Below are the words and thoughts of an adoptive mom. I hope Carrie's words brighten your day and give you some insight to how birth mothers are loved!
Birthmother's Day. I had no idea such a holiday existed until a year ago. And “holiday” certainly isn’t appropriate, considering it’s never commercialized or noted like other celebratory events. You can walk into any store right now and be reminded with giant signs, pre-packaged gift sets, and overwhelming card aisles that Mother’s Day is quickly approaching.
But there’s no sign advertising this holiday. There’s no pre-packaged gift to appropriately honor her. I dare say you’d be hard-pressed to even find a single greeting card honoring Birthmother’s Day. In case you’re not aware, it’s always the Saturday before Mother's Day. I'm mindful of the fact that our adopted son’s first birthday was celebrated on Birthmother's Day, celebrating his life, honoring her, beyond grateful for the choice she made to give life and love, choosing us to be his adoptive parents.
I couldn’t find a card or gift that seemed appropriate to honor such a day, such a woman, so I made my own. It still seemed insignificant. Certainly there could never be a gift comparable to what she gave.
We're in the mediated stage of our relationship with our birthmother, sending letters and pictures, giving regular updates on his growth and development and his emerging personality. Every time I write to her and share stories of his newest antics, I can't help but wonder how she feels. I can't help but ask if she sees herself in him. With only a few short meetings before placement, we’ve relied on letters since then to get to know her better. I think about how much he innately takes after her and how much he learns from us. Nature versus nurture is a funny argument. I’m inclined to believe our adopted son shares the beauty of both. An adoptive family who loves, embraces and nurtures his inherent makeup.
This year he will turn two on Mother's Day. It’s the day I’ll be recognized as his mother. I’m sure there will be cards and gifts. I’ll stand in church and be recognized. Oh how I remember the painful Mother’s Days when I couldn’t stand because I remained childless. But the day before we will celebrate Birthmother’s Day. Honoring the birthmother who came into our lives, blessing us with a life we could have never created on our own.
I don’t have the words to say to you, birthmother, except from one adoptive mother’s heart please hear this:
I love you. As much as I love the son you placed in my arms. I didn’t carry him. I didn’t feel him kick. I didn’t hear his heartbeat in sync with my own. I didn’t labor through delivery, or worse torment over the decision to place. But I love you. As much as I love him. Your blood runs through his veins and his life is knit together with my heart, which means you and I are interwoven by the son we share.
I’m mindful of you, birthmother. I celebrate you. I honor you. Abounding thankfulness doesn’t seem enough to share what my heart feels for how you have blessed me. This is my prayer for him, and I have no doubt this is your prayer too, which is why you chose what you did.