Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Placing after Parenting...

It is so easy to assume that all ladies that place a child for adoption are young teenagers... however, this is not always the case.  Read below as you hear another story-- the story of a mom that was already parenting two and had a tough decision to make!

I’ve been a single mom for four years to two wonderful kids (at the time ages four and two). So why now am I staring into these gorgeous blue eyes of my newborn son thinking I CAN"T do this?! I’ve just given birth to an eight pound eleven ounce baby boy and know right away he deserves so much better than what I can do at this time. I mean-- I’m in my twenties I knew how to be a mom--I am mom!!! It was just that usually women who place usually place their first child not their third. I should know better... I have been here twice before...c'mon Meaghan get it together!

Yes, I could be a mom to him but adding a third child to my life at this time wasn’t the best idea for HIM. Everything I did over the next few months was for HIM!!! He consumed my thoughts and actions I wanted to make his life WONDERFUL!!!!! So I placed him with a wonderful family.

So now what? What do I do now? How do I go on? ONE STEP AT A TIME!!!! During the time that I was making a placement plan for HIM I had to still be mommy to the two I had at home. Life still went on in our house and I wanted it to be as normal as possible for them. We started talking to them about adoption by reading books. Sam's Sister was the first book I read to them about adoption. I knew that they wouldn't really grasp the adoption idea at their ages, but wanted to introduce them slowly.

We have had visits with my birth-son since he was born, which will be three years in June. My kids have always known him but not known who he really was to them. So when my oldest, who was six at the time, came to me and said "Mommy, when are we going to see my brother again?" WHAT!!! How did he know? What do I tell him? I decided to ask him questions to see what he did understand and what he didn't. So for the next 30 minutes we talked. He knew more than what I thought. He began to tell me that Nicholas was his brother but he didn’t live with us because HIS mommy and daddy needed him. WOW I was shocked!!! I did tell him that was right but went into a little more detail to let him know that Nicholas was always going to be a part of our lives. My daughter, who was four, entered the conversation and we talked about adoption and what it means to our family.

Now, a year later, my kids love hanging out with Nicholas and his family. They have a great relationship!!!! My kids understand more about adoption than most adults. They are so amazing to me!!!! So yes, I am a mommy to two and a birthmom to one!!!!


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