Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Gretchen's Journey... Part 2

I hope you enjoyed yesterdays blog... read on to hear the next part of her story....

Love Without Measure~
(part 2)

As I waited for him to be able to go home with his adoptive parents, the Lord poured out His love to me, healing my heart that was breaking. My love for my son gave me the ability to be strong in the face of temptation to go back and get him before it was “too late”. I learned through those weeks, what it meant to love sacrificially, and how that type of love held a precious treasure of joy in the middle of deep pain. Through this season, some new verses began to become intensely meaningful. I did not know it then, but these verses (Job 23:6-12), would become my life verses. They would be the words that would hold me when all else around me felt like it was crumbling.

On Mother’s Day, Derek was united with his Mother & Father. That day brought me great joy, knowing that I had followed the Lord’s guidance in my life no matter what the cost. It also brought deep pain, as I knew that I would not be able to see him again for at least 18 years. I didn’t know how I would ever be able to wait that long (patience was not my thing), but I knew that the Lord would carry me through this too.

Through the years, I watched and waited with anticipation for each envelope full of pictures that would come in the mail. I was so glad that I got to see how Derek was growing and developing. When the letters came, I rushed to open them and read them over and over making sure I didn’t miss any of the details. I shared them with the people I knew who understood, and was so proud of my little boy. I dreamed of the day I would get to see him again, and give him the hugs I wanted to all along the way.

One very special day, I opened the package in the mail, and was so surprised to find a letter from Derek! This was an extra special day. I always loved the letters from his parents, but this was in his handwriting and it was addressed to me. I was so happy that he knew about me, and that he wanted to share things about his life with me. I began to pray differently, as I learned to know some of the challenges he faced as he was growing up. These letters continued for years. The blessings that came through those letters were indescribable. Occasionally, like any mom, I would worry about the wrong things influencing him, and then I would pray.

The years went by faster, as we shared letters and pictures. Before long, I realized that we were getting closer to the day that we would be able to meet again. That was a day I waited for since Derek was born, and I left the hospital. Now, it was only a few years before he could legally search for me. The questions began…. Would he look for me? Would his parents let him? What would it be like if he found me? What would I do if he didn’t want to find me? Little by little, I handed these questions over to the Lord. The answers weren’t available, but God’s love without measure was! That was what I needed to carry me through.

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