Now, a year later, I can say that time has eased some of the pain. But the most significant thing that has comforted me has been the love without measure that God has poured out to me over the last year. There were many dark times, and many more questions, but around each corner that I turned; I found grace and love packaged in special ways to help ease my pain.
There were many days that I tried to “be strong” and “brave”, but I found that did not work any better following Derek’s death than it did when he was born. This journey was one I entered alone, and although many kind people have traveled with me on my adoption journey, much of this travel had to be done alone, in my heart. As I have let myself feel the pain, and experience the grief, I have been blessed with love, without measure, poured on me from God alone.
Through this year I have found a special healing balm in the words of Psalm 121:
I lift up my eyes to the hills.
From where does my help come?
My help comes from the LORD,
who made heaven and earth.
He will not let your foot be moved;
he who keeps you will not slumber.
Behold, he who keeps Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.
The LORD is your keeper;
the LORD is your shade on your right hand.
The sun shall not strike you by day,
nor the moon by night.
The LORD will keep you from all evil;
he will keep your life.
The LORD will keep
your going out and your coming in
from this time forth and forevermore.
This summer, as I sit in my living room, I remember the feelings I once had at the beginning of this journey, and am thankful that today I am surrounded by hope, love and grace:
• Hope that one day I will meet my Savior face-to-face, and will experience “reunion day” with Derek, as we worship the Lord together with many other loved ones.
• God’s love that is poured on me no matter what mistakes I’ve made, or how much I’ve disappointed Him….His love is more abundant than my sin.
• Grace that is given freely… grace to cover my wrong, and grace to carry me through the journey of life.
• Hope, that through sharing this journey with you, someone else will find encouragement for their journey.
Feel free to leave any comments for Gretchen as I know she would love to hear from you!