“Who am I?” rang softly into my ear as I drove away from my house the other evening. My neck needed rubbed, my tummy said it needed fed and my yawn was proof that the youth in my son’s side of the argument had more strength than mine. His last words spoofed my inner submission as I nodded to myself while rolling my eyes; he was probably right. His only foundation for wanting to do something a normal 17 year old who want to do was, well, because he wanted to. My response was nothing short of the spill on making mature decisions even when we have to make the sacrifice of our own wants. He, of course argued that just because I was a mother at 16 and didn’t get to be who I wanted to be— that I shouldn’t restrain him from whom he wants to be. The nerve! How can I look at this young man who I practically gave my teenage life to and argue with that? It was my choice, my mistake and once again I was reminded of how foolish I was then and how late I was now. I left before finishing the conversation and my frustration turned to hurt.
Tears began to fill my eyes as I continued to drive. “Is this it Lord? Is my life supposed to turn out this way? I feel robbed, stolen from and need to know who I am.” As I got to my office and typed in some obscure search titles, I came across an intriguing title; “The Story of the Sad Sadness” by author unknown. Umm yes! Of course I clicked. I was the sad saddest person and felt like a complete failure as a mother.
Take a moment and read through the words that took me back to .... Hope.
The stone plaque on my desk read somberly to me in that moment. Romans 5:5 “…and hope does not disappoint because the love of God has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit that has been given to us.” He is my hope. How many times do we feel like the grey figure trying to help our children with tough love or guidance? They run, they hide, they argue. But this verse says that God is our hope and loves us enough to pour out the Holy Spirit into our hearts! Only Satan wants us to believe that we are worthless. He wants us to buy into the lies that we are marked and bonded to the things that have us impounded by regret. John 10:10 says “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” Satan wants to steal our identity, but God wants to restore it. With God as our hope we can live life to the fullest and find confidence in a savior that tells us exactly who we are!