Thursday, October 20, 2011

LGH through the eyes of a resident

Two weeks ago, we welcomed a new resident into the Liberty Godparent Home.  As I walked through the halls with her, she shared how she enjoys writing.  I asked her to jot some notes on what it is like to make the tough decision to leave home and come to our Home. 

LGH through the eyes of a resident  by: "Ariana"

Growing up in a society where you are raised to believe everything the doctors tell you makes it difficult to believe that something they told you was wrong.  That’s how it was for me when I found out I was pregnant.  I had been told by my doctor that it would not be possible for me and so it took three home tests and a blood test to convince me that I was.  Once I had accepted the undeniable truth myself, I started the most stressful and scary week and a half of my life, the telling of the news to everyone.  It was not as hard to tell the father or his family as it was to tell my own family, but everyone took the news better than I thought they would.  It was after that that the pressuring started, luckily not from my closest family.  The pressure came mostly from the father and his family.  At first, they didn’t want me to tell anyone about my pregnancy and to just get an abortion and keep it a secret from my family. I told them that I was not going to get one for two reasons: 1. because I didn’t believe in abortion (except in extreme cases), and 2. because I was afraid that if I did abort, I would actually become infertile which I didn’t want.  That’s when they started telling me lies and trying to scare me into having an abortion.  It was awful and I started to get depressed. I felt alone and scared; I started blaming myself and wanted to run away from everything and everyone.  Then my mom found out about the Liberty Godparent Home.  It seemed like a safe place where I could make a decision on my own, free from pressure, and we decided that I should go.

            I was very nervous at first as I didn’t know what to expect.  The people I talked to on the phone seemed to be very nice and helpful but I had some reservations.  I started hearing all kinds of things about homes for unwed mothers, some scared me and made me worry about whether I had made the right decision or not.  Even after meeting the wonderful Mrs. Freda in person and getting to know the truth about how the Godparent home is run and how the girls are treated, I was still scared and nervous.  The night before my entry into the Home, I came very close to telling my grandma that I had changed my mind, that I didn’t want to go, but I kept my fears to myself and put on a brave face for those around me.  The next day my grandma brought me to the Home and said goodbye to me as I would not get to see her, or hear her voice, for twenty-one days.  As it got closer to the time for her to leave, I started to get scared again.  I didn’t want her to go and leave me behind but I didn’t say anything and I watched her drive away.  After she was gone, I waited for everything to change, for my fears and expectations to be proven true.  I waited for them to turn from the kind caring people who had greeted me and my grandma into the nuns from Orphan Annie or the people at the girls’ home in the movie, The Journey of Natty Gann.

They led me to my room and helped me unpack and then told me to join the other girls, but the change never took place.  Finally, I relaxed and my fears subsided as I realized they really were as kind and caring as they seemed.  All the girls were friendly and I quickly settled in.  I believe it was easier for me as I had already been to college and it was kind of like going back to college and living in the dorms once more.  It’s been a little difficult for someone who has been living on their own, by their own rules for as long as I have, to be given a bed time and be restricted on what I can watch on TV but as I understand the reasoning behind them, I am able to accept and live by them more easily.  So the road leading to where I am now was a rocky one but I am glad I followed it.

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